i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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