i just had sex bonerless
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
