And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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