You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
