If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
