No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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