He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
