If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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