I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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