I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
