i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
