You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
