I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
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i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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