I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
