If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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