i always forget guys have bellybuttons
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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