fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
