There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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