He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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