I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
