It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
