I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
