I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
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I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
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Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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