dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
