OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
