The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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