she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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