I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
