so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
