you turned your livingroom into a bong?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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