yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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