I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
