mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
