just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You're like the curious george of whores
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
