If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
