Im at strip club and am horny
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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