i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
