Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
