yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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