You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
