I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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