no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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