I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
are you so shy because you have an std?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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