There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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