moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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