You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
