I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My butt remains clenched, sir.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
