someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
