My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
