was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
