She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
