you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
