I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
