It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
