What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
