i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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