ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
