glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
