Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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