i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
