im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
