There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
