she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
