Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
