She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize