I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
